There has been a lot of discussion lately about including sex education into the CAPS curriculum. My concern is not so much about the content of the subject, but more with who teaches it, their attitudes, social conditioning and the subtext of the lesson.
I think in this day and age, especially with the stats in South Africa, we would be doing our children a disservice by not having conversations with them. Sex education doesn't start and/or end with "the talk" about the birds and the bees at a predetermined age. It is a conversation that starts at birth with respecting children's boundaries. If a baby is not happy with an adult, respect that. Even if the adult is a grandparent, if the child is crying or showing any sign of discomfort take them out of the situation. Show them from day one that you respect their choices for their own bodies. As they grow older talk to them about what they like and what they don't like. My son for example enjoys hugs but really doesn't like the feeling of being kissed on his skin. Respecting their boundaries and making them aware of setting their own limits on touch is far more important than the biological details. When children have been raised in an environment where they feel truly respected, they learn to respect others. Consent and boundaries for themselves and others become part of their nature. Help your children to build self confidence and the ability to talk about bodies, feelings and boundaries. This will give them the tools to challenge behavior that makes them uncomfortable, while also empowering them to be clear about their intentions with others and accept that other people also have the right to refuse to be touched. Keeping them safe from predators and preventing them from becoming predators themselves are equally important goals that stem from the same issues. Having that open line of communication from the beginning allows the actual conversations about sex to flow more naturally. Let them lead the way. Answer their questions in a way that is appropriate to their individual levels of understanding. Each journey is unique. The way we interact with our children should be too. As long as every conversation is approached with love and mutual respect, no subject is taboo. In so many of my talks, adults have said that to refuse a kiss from an elder is disrespectful. This usually leads to a conversation about why adults feel entitled to children's bodies. If any adult is offended by your child refusing physical contact, don't be afraid to ask them why they think that a child should accept unwanted touch in order to show love or respect. Very often you'll find that most adults haven't actually questioned this. They accept it because that was their own social conditioning. Every time we ask somebody to challenge that, we are changing the world for the next generation.
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KarmillaWhy can’t I be pretty and a feminist and a mother and a healer and an activist and an educator and a warrior? Archives
March 2024
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